He Cheated. [BitterSweet]

Hmm I never really talked about my situation with my heart being grinded into mince meat.

IDK I'm a private person lol but then again I don't know you people and will never care to know your opinions bout me so oh wells.

He cheated.

gasp* OMG shannah I thought you were a bad bish. How could this happen?

I know, I know but even people cheat on halle berry and she has a team behind her, so my ass aint different.

I knew in the back of my mind that shit was going to happen, cause I know that dipshit too well. Which is kinda horrifying to watch shit you knew was going to happen, HAPPEN.

Its only the third week. I'm chipper and keeping my spirits high but idk people swear im a robot or some shit lol.

"You seem to be taking this all well"

"Why yes I am. Weed is helping me a lot. If It wasn't for weed I'd prolly be covered in paint drawing dumb shit and wallowing in my pain. Followed by random walks at 3 in the morning and bathing for 4 hours at a time"

awkward silence

"Okay"

We resolved the issue and decided to take a break. Whick basically means. Get our shit together and I'll see you on the other side. Which is about a year.

Now there will be no phucking and etc. He already had his fun. But to be honest I didn't have my fun. I mean is it wrong to date other guys and party and smoke and drink and be a FUCKING 20 year old.

I been a good girl all my life, always passed my classes, upstanding citizen, never gave mom a problem. I'm dead serious I was the perfect child. Let's evaluate

*I never smoked weed til I was out of highschool

*I never drank until I went to college

*I passed my regents with fly fucking colors without getting help from tutors

English 97

US History 90

Global 88

Math 85

Earth Science 85

GPA 85%

I didn't do shit for my last semester of my senior year my gpa would of been higher.

*I never had a boyfriend, cause I didn't want unnecessary distractions

*I read books and drew.

*I never been in a fight. NEVER.

*I know how to cook, clean, and take care of my younger siblings.

It's hard being this way around all the phuckery that is called the Bronx.

I pat myself on the back for this, I'm really thinking bout this shit I must of been the "ONE" of the Bronx Matrix. lol

Now I reap the benefits of my reward.

I deserve this shit. I'm not here for x, y, z. I'm here for me.

Now I don't think he deserves to do the same as me cause honestly he doesn't fucking deserve to. He needs to get his shit together. That would be kinda phucked up. He did me dirty and does whatever he wants on this break and still gets me at the end.

Bitch Please, This ain't Disney.

I feel like his ass was taking me for granted cause I'm not your typical girl and he must of thought I was. Welp now he'll see. Everytime he talking to some girl or no one catches his jokes and realize day by day that I'm a fucking anomaly to what is defined as a woman.

Now am I justified in my thinking?

Bittersweet Symphony

I don't know I feel really frustrated right about now I have this blogger so I'm going to use it. I mean I don't need emotions and feelings eating away at my ass til I have crazy hair and think my best friends are my cats.

I'm really stuck in place for the past year I grown up a lot but I'm not making the type of moves I need to make. I have a mission, shit a destiny and I must fulfill that shit. I don't know what I will do If I don't.....

My ass is too blindly determined to think bout failing...

I have the talent and the mind.

"A moment ends, I've got my rhymes [Mind]
Whatever comes, I write [draw] it down
So knock me out and shoot me down
With mics [pencil] in hand, we'll stand against the test of time"

GIFTED by NASA

Some people might think my ass is crazy or don't understand what the fuck I'm aiming for. They'll catch up. LOL The people that are suppose to support you are the ones knocking your ass down. Perfect Strangers know wats up. Why can't you?

I feel like I'm suppose to be waiting and learning, getting ready for round deux. Not necessarily honing my drawing ninja skills but my mindset.

I did this ^ draft a couple of weeks ago and it means more to me now than ever. I've opened my eye to the possibilities, like the REAL possibilities that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. I feel like I'm at a real crossroads. I will contine to try to do 45 posts in a month. I told people not to FUCK with me and I prove to them why its so.....

Oh Boy you will remember my name.