Adam.

Finally Bish. I was wondering who the hell is Adam? LOL

Well Let's start at the beginning

wavy ass lines, more wavy ass lines, Wavy lines getting straighter to a flashback.

Adam was a cool dude. He was Funny. He was apart of discipleship. The same class Josh and I were taking among other friends. I always saw him and he always saw me. We didn't talk. Our circles meshed and this dude was super funny. I can't resist not having a funny friend. Can You? I officially spoke to him at a party last winter. He was posted up against a wall underneath a black light and I saw him not dancing and I can't have it. So I approached him and asked him to dance with him. He wouldn't, I dance on him anyway.

We smoked together that night.

It's amazing how things unfold by such a little moment in life.

Around March I asked him for his number, I wasn't cheating. Josh was right there. I was really looking for a guy friend because I never really had one because they always liked me more than a friend. no bish I'm not conceited theses are facts. So Anygay. We hung out with his friends and it was fun I felt like I finally had a niche, a clique, a posse, a squad, a friend family a...

Britney Meltdown....aight stand by, Do we have the clippers? Ok,We're on in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1

Adam was dropping bombs or he would like to call hints.

I thought he was a liar. A typical guy move, just corrupting his competition to get to me.

Wrong.

I found out through him. if you dont know click here

Honestly I was using him to get to the truth. I knew something was up. Josh was acting weird.

I was gonna move on. Call our friendship and tell him I no longer would like to subscribe.

I was going to quietly exit the scene. He wouldn't let me go. I would find a way and he would find a way. He won me over. He was the only one who tried to comfort me. Who actually knew what was going on in the clutter old cat lady that I called my brain. Adam played his cards right. I'm not oblivious to how men think. Something wouldn't let me shake him off completely. Something genuine, He was something like me. It was weird. I shared my shame with him.

I cried in front of him

He made me realize that I'm more than a woman. IDK how to explain. He made me realize my power and how I was lowering the settings so as to not to make people jealous, or angry, or just feel some type of way. For some reason people hate people who enjoy life lol. Worrying should I turn my shine down for the sake of others? He's my Nigga. I'm his Nigga.

We have so much in common and nothing in common.

Yes he's fucked up for opening his mouth...but let's be honest. Josh was never going to tell me. Adam liked me, and knew the truth. Plus I was Sherlock Holmes on his ass. Umm Like Duh...

Thank You Adam for making me laugh and walking me through this time in my life....

sidenote: I lost the iPod Josh got me for Christmas around March. I never lose anything. Here's my mom's advice, anything that breaks, gets lost, or etc. If it was a present from a loved one. Shit will ensue...always.

He Cheated. [BitterSweet]

Hmm I never really talked about my situation with my heart being grinded into mince meat.

IDK I'm a private person lol but then again I don't know you people and will never care to know your opinions bout me so oh wells.

He cheated.

gasp* OMG shannah I thought you were a bad bish. How could this happen?

I know, I know but even people cheat on halle berry and she has a team behind her, so my ass aint different.

I knew in the back of my mind that shit was going to happen, cause I know that dipshit too well. Which is kinda horrifying to watch shit you knew was going to happen, HAPPEN.

Its only the third week. I'm chipper and keeping my spirits high but idk people swear im a robot or some shit lol.

"You seem to be taking this all well"

"Why yes I am. Weed is helping me a lot. If It wasn't for weed I'd prolly be covered in paint drawing dumb shit and wallowing in my pain. Followed by random walks at 3 in the morning and bathing for 4 hours at a time"

awkward silence

"Okay"

We resolved the issue and decided to take a break. Whick basically means. Get our shit together and I'll see you on the other side. Which is about a year.

Now there will be no phucking and etc. He already had his fun. But to be honest I didn't have my fun. I mean is it wrong to date other guys and party and smoke and drink and be a FUCKING 20 year old.

I been a good girl all my life, always passed my classes, upstanding citizen, never gave mom a problem. I'm dead serious I was the perfect child. Let's evaluate

*I never smoked weed til I was out of highschool

*I never drank until I went to college

*I passed my regents with fly fucking colors without getting help from tutors

English 97

US History 90

Global 88

Math 85

Earth Science 85

GPA 85%

I didn't do shit for my last semester of my senior year my gpa would of been higher.

*I never had a boyfriend, cause I didn't want unnecessary distractions

*I read books and drew.

*I never been in a fight. NEVER.

*I know how to cook, clean, and take care of my younger siblings.

It's hard being this way around all the phuckery that is called the Bronx.

I pat myself on the back for this, I'm really thinking bout this shit I must of been the "ONE" of the Bronx Matrix. lol

Now I reap the benefits of my reward.

I deserve this shit. I'm not here for x, y, z. I'm here for me.

Now I don't think he deserves to do the same as me cause honestly he doesn't fucking deserve to. He needs to get his shit together. That would be kinda phucked up. He did me dirty and does whatever he wants on this break and still gets me at the end.

Bitch Please, This ain't Disney.

I feel like his ass was taking me for granted cause I'm not your typical girl and he must of thought I was. Welp now he'll see. Everytime he talking to some girl or no one catches his jokes and realize day by day that I'm a fucking anomaly to what is defined as a woman.

Now am I justified in my thinking?

This is Not the Time

Every bad thing comes in twos and threes and my family was just waiting for the third one it came yesterday. 

All I have to say is WOWsers, like really?!

Its amazing how people hold everything bad on the inside and wait for the perfect moment to air out everything once the shit hits the fan....which they threw.

All I know what kind of person waits to address serious issues once its out of anger it never gets solved....And it will come back again to haunt you.

God Bless my mother I am lucky to have her in my life.

I'm happy I can voice my opinions to her without repurcussions [don't know how to spell it]

....voice my opinions without it being labeled as disrespect.

I now see the whole truth and nothing but it.

I see why things turned out the way they did.

March is coming in like a Lion, and best believe We will come out this thing wiser people