Choose Love

WTF sideways again, too lazy

While I was gone I fell in love. *le sigh* 

Emotionally Flavored People[Bitter/Sweet]

I'm losing track of time.

I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.

I want to inspire people.

...... Wouldn't it be cool if people had a main attribute throughout life and you can only find out when you die. Like Love, Anger, Sadness, Happiness, Laughter, Mystery, etc. Don't you find it amazing how no matter the situation people bring the same characteristic? Some people no matter how you feel make you calm and carefree? Some people always bring happiness, even if they're not happy themselves? Then your goal in life is to get your counterpart? Happiness must find sadness to bring balance to each other? Happy people always denies sadness in their life and fake it even when they're truly not happy. Sad people can't find a way out and when happiness is there, they deny it because they're afraid. They'll balance out each other.....like ying and yang....

Some women drive men crazy.....like Erykah Badu. Did you see the Before and After of Andre 3000 and Common? She changed them for the better. That's a bad woman, even after you part ways you never really left them. Some women bring the most negative effects out of men. I was just wondering like we're all different emotions and when we get together we make a mixture. It's late, I'm listening to Lust for Life by DRAKE. It was my soundtrack for the nite. Sleep is for our conscious. Our sub conscious frolick during the nite in our dreams. If we're up, that's when our raw emotions and wants come out. That's when I get in trouble......

He Cheated. [BitterSweet]

Hmm I never really talked about my situation with my heart being grinded into mince meat.

IDK I'm a private person lol but then again I don't know you people and will never care to know your opinions bout me so oh wells.

He cheated.

gasp* OMG shannah I thought you were a bad bish. How could this happen?

I know, I know but even people cheat on halle berry and she has a team behind her, so my ass aint different.

I knew in the back of my mind that shit was going to happen, cause I know that dipshit too well. Which is kinda horrifying to watch shit you knew was going to happen, HAPPEN.

Its only the third week. I'm chipper and keeping my spirits high but idk people swear im a robot or some shit lol.

"You seem to be taking this all well"

"Why yes I am. Weed is helping me a lot. If It wasn't for weed I'd prolly be covered in paint drawing dumb shit and wallowing in my pain. Followed by random walks at 3 in the morning and bathing for 4 hours at a time"

awkward silence

"Okay"

We resolved the issue and decided to take a break. Whick basically means. Get our shit together and I'll see you on the other side. Which is about a year.

Now there will be no phucking and etc. He already had his fun. But to be honest I didn't have my fun. I mean is it wrong to date other guys and party and smoke and drink and be a FUCKING 20 year old.

I been a good girl all my life, always passed my classes, upstanding citizen, never gave mom a problem. I'm dead serious I was the perfect child. Let's evaluate

*I never smoked weed til I was out of highschool

*I never drank until I went to college

*I passed my regents with fly fucking colors without getting help from tutors

English 97

US History 90

Global 88

Math 85

Earth Science 85

GPA 85%

I didn't do shit for my last semester of my senior year my gpa would of been higher.

*I never had a boyfriend, cause I didn't want unnecessary distractions

*I read books and drew.

*I never been in a fight. NEVER.

*I know how to cook, clean, and take care of my younger siblings.

It's hard being this way around all the phuckery that is called the Bronx.

I pat myself on the back for this, I'm really thinking bout this shit I must of been the "ONE" of the Bronx Matrix. lol

Now I reap the benefits of my reward.

I deserve this shit. I'm not here for x, y, z. I'm here for me.

Now I don't think he deserves to do the same as me cause honestly he doesn't fucking deserve to. He needs to get his shit together. That would be kinda phucked up. He did me dirty and does whatever he wants on this break and still gets me at the end.

Bitch Please, This ain't Disney.

I feel like his ass was taking me for granted cause I'm not your typical girl and he must of thought I was. Welp now he'll see. Everytime he talking to some girl or no one catches his jokes and realize day by day that I'm a fucking anomaly to what is defined as a woman.

Now am I justified in my thinking?

Human Heart by Kimberly Lennox

Love....

You ever wanted to kill that person...

Like really kill that person. You had a plan and everything. I mean you wanted them to still have life afterwards but you though about it. You ever look at that person and you felt disgusted for a moment. Couldn't stand their habits and the way they acted...their fakeness, The way they ate and even their breathing got on your nerves jus ticking at your at your sanity. Cracking into your very psyche, you want to scream at them but all you could do was chew your food and roll your eyes.

You try to go on with your day and alll you could do was always find a fucking way to relate what's going on to that person. Even when you're angry at that person you thought of them. 

You ever find yourself safe in their arms, at home. When they leave you feel the warmth leave you. You can feel the shape of them still

You ever find yourself sniffing the clothes they left at your house. No one else smells anything but you do...and you love it for some reason [mad weird I know]

Sometimes your mind races with a thousand things to say and all you say is nothing.

You walk down the street and a bubble of laughter or smile comes across your face. You look like a damn jackass but you remember that stupid shit that happened awhile back and it showed on your face. 

You're doing nothing in particular and this wave of love hits you...wrings your soul and sways and pushes you to the point where it physically hurts. You look at them and you notice something about them you never did before....

and its beautiful

You lose track of time....ALL THE TIME

Forget about the consequences of your actions because a little more time with them was worth it.

Forgot about your responsibilities, talk about the future, imaginary money, and your perfect condo. Down to the bedsheets and what colored walls. 

You can't wait to better yourself....

 so you can shower them with the things they deserve in life

It's 2 in the morning. 

This is for everyone I love.  

Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.

A Rant from the Heart [Bitter/Sweet]

Why am I the odd one out cause I actually do what I feel?

Does that make me a bad person?

Or should I act one way to society and be myself at home or with a loved one?

My opinions, beliefs, feelings, are mine own. I shouldn't apologize to no one because they are strong. 

Jus because my opinions are strong doesn't mean I'm trying to shove it down your throat.

My mother raised me to have an open mind. 

She did a good job, she did it so well I'm more open-minded than her. I observe and think before I speak. I know the consequences of my actions, good and bad. I strive for what I want with a blind determination. You only get the things you think you deserve. This is not cockiness because I will pay the price and suffer to get where I want to be. When everyone's hope is dwindling that's when mine is flourishing. I will not be in a corner and let life beat the shit out of me. I'm stubborn where it sometimes hurt me, but I always listen when people critique me and although it seems sometimes I didn't take anything with me, I did. I'm emotionally guarded and I use my jokes as a shield. I'm a negative realist and its usually the truth for people around and a negative attribute for me.

You don't have to tell me what you're going through cause I already know AND no its because I'm psychic its because I observe I see your body language and when people miss things I usually pick it up. I play dumb dumb sometimes just so people really don't see the potential ....all the while I already know what you are going to do. I know I do this to protect myself, people always want to destroy what's potential in people cause they have none in themselves. I don't tell people what's going to  happen in their life because they need to go through their shit. Just like my mother watch me fuck up sometimes you have to learn through experience.

I'm still figuring out shit myself and I don't need.... 

The Church Going Woman 

first of all I would like to say FUCK YOU. You can't hold your nose over my head and tell me I'm a sinner and such. Where were you when you were 19, not church so please save the shit. You ain't fooling me and you sure ain't fooling GOD. You're suppose to guide me and yet you take your time out to judge and spew nastiness. All the meanwhile giving GOD a bad name.

Most likely you are there because you got old and no one wanted your old punani. 

I'm not talking bout the dedicated REAL women, jus whoever this applies to

The Forgetful Parents

Ya'll are the reason children hate authority. not because they love anarchy its because ya'll had the power and didn't know what the fuck to do with it. Blaming society for your sluts and deadbeat dads. You hide your colorful past and act like angels and chastise your children like you don't remember what its like to be young.   Truth will set you free. Once you are honest with your children they will respect you. They might not respect what you did but I guarantee they will return the favor. I do. So what if you use your boyfriends to pay the rent!! You did what you had to do to survive. So please don't act like you don't know what's up when your daughter is acting the same way. The thing is whether you tell us the truth or not we know already. Deep down we know, we know.

Cap'n Save Em Teachers

I hate those teachers who have nothing to do with the failure of students but are proud of me and take all credit for my achievements and As. Sipping on coffee and know you aren't trying your best. You came to Bronx to "make a difference" ...no you didn't you came because you are a new teacher and they won't hire you in white surburbia. So you'll get some experince and leave us high and dry. You don't get us and call us rowdy and a lost case. Did you take te time to relate to us? I mean I have to find a way to relate to American Culture...but you don't have to because our culture is miniscule and your culture isn't a culture but the only way to learn and live.

BTW If they make another movie bout a surburban white teacher saving some underprivileged ethnic  kids imma kill someone

Religion

I really don't like religion because you lose touch with the essence of why the religion was here in the first place and get caught up in the rituals and practices. People don't see their earthly life as something to make a change but jus a past time to the real life after death. Black christians who sit down and let whatever happen, Happen because GOD is coming. So white christians have a good earth life and after life? Fighting between religions trying to figure out which one is the right one. When at the end of the day they all have the same essence.

 A better YOU

I'm sick of the masks because I see right through them, Be yourselves people! I wouldn't like to know Life past me by because I was trying to please everyone but myself. I'm not perfect I find myself hesitating when opportunities arrive because I'm scared of reactions. Or maybe I don't want to realize the limit of my abilities. I know my weaknesses and I will make them my strengths for 2009.

Snuggling...

I feel emotional....

I just wanna snuggle right now, Kingston will have to do.

Pitbulls need love too...They're misunderstood

I mean you can connect mentally and emotionally but until you connect physically there's no "wholeness"...well to me anyway. [yes in that order too, I know some of you quick ones jus' want the 3rd one and worry bout the other two later.] I'm kind of mixed up and I how I feel about sex before or after marriage. I believe marriage is nice but who's guaranteed marriage? Why should I feel different after marriage? I have heard people say they feel more mature and connected...but then again shouldn't they have already felt this way with their loved ones?

An "Official" moment should not determine your feelings.


I believe that's why so many marriages fail people automatically expect a difference after the marriage. Or they change alltogether.

Some women spend so much on marriages, end up debt and forget that they have to continue life and those bills that you're stacking up doesn't disappear after the honeymoon.

They don't keep up with their hair, nails and beauty regimen, because they feel they've won and they can "relax" I think it should be the other way around, in fact you should step up your game.
This goes for men too, I should see grape juice turning into wine, not milk spoiling.

That loved one with certain "issues" its not going to change after the marriage....don't kid yourself.

They should grow....together.
They should be like peanut butter and jelly

They're awesome apart.

Grape jelly on my bagel

Peanut butter cookies

.....but together they're unstoppable, a classic, never played out

I guess people expect the peanut you were dating to turn into chocolate after marriage...

No matter what you're still dating a peanut, so its either you enjoy your peanut butter or you go find a cocoa bean and work it from there. [i love my peanut, looking forward to peanut butter too]



I'm ponderin'....

I wonder if I can snuggle my iMac? hmmm
I mean its more than portable...it has no CPU unit.
It's gonna be awkward when I try to explain to my mom why I am sleeping with my computer.

Although if the Apple company was really that guy from the commercials, idk I like them geeky

I think I'm done babbling just wanted to get that off my chest. Oooo i got my first paycheck last friday its gone now but it was nice to see money in my pockets....

Goodnite

Pressure Suit

Oh GOD I cried when I saw this video....
Not like balling or anything but a little tear down my face. I ain't gonna front....

Idk something about it, Joshua and I were in FYE and I saw it and impulsively picked it up. I asked him to buy it along with The Bourne Identity...
I let him watch the video and he loved it.

I don't regret the decision

Enjoy.

Pressure Suit - Aqualung