Renaissance:2009-2010

2009 was full of bullshit, growing pains and love. I spent the first half of my year going nowhere, just waiting, waiting for my opportunity and 2009 did not have it. By July I had lost all faith in people. I believed that people would let you down no matter what. Everyone nowadays just look out for themselves and fuck over the rest.

My relationship with Joshua was based off a lie and I didn't get the memo. I thought he was my rock but even he fell off the wayside. I was out of school and work. I felt like I had no real friends ( with the exception of a few) I felt this overwhelming pressure from everyone. I didn't know how to solve my problems. I tried what I thought was would work for me. It never worked out. I'm a faithful, caring, bitchy, selfless person and people stepped on me. I felt alone and hurt. I felt like I was wasting my life, like I was helping family and friends to reach their goals. My goals and my dreams were there but I couldn't reach them. At one point I just felt stuck, lost and confused.

I had reached the beginning of adulthood.

I am a fighter, I was trying to do what was right, I was doing what was best for a person like me.

I was doing everything wrong. I was too concerned with what I'm suppose be at in my life.

Other people who were 20, I was watching wondering how come I'm not doing what they're doing.

How come I couldn't find a job?

How come I don't enjoy school?

Why can't I make friends as easily as other people?

Why do they stare?

Why can't I move out my Mom's Home as yet?

Then I realized that I'm not everyone else. I'm never on the same level as other people. So why would I pressure myself and give myself such goals? I was trying to fit in and stand out at the same time. Everyone else was waiting too.

They were expecting and judging and I let them.

I let them.

Now I'm doing what's in my heart. Anything my heart desires I do, relax its nothing too damaging or self inflicting. I'm paving my own path since no path is open for me as yet. Too many times I held back because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I didn't do what I wanted because it would be frowned upon. I did this and only locked down my heart desires, while people stepped on me.

I'm free from myself.

2010 is coming up and I'm going to rock the shit out of this new year.

Today is the beginning of my Revolution.

Today is my Renaissance!

+plus I've always been a late bloomer :)

Sneak Peak.

Welp I did another photoshoot on sunday. My Farewell to August 2009 you will be missed LOL. It was a fun day. We went to Fulton, shot in some alley thingy, lost Adam for like 40 minutes. We went to Wendy's and had a frosty. For some reason I have to get a frosty when I'm downtown. Then we went to the seaport and had a spectacular view of the Brooklyn Bridge and the water. We just stayed right there and enjoyed the view. As soon as we entered I stopped cause it was really beautiful. We let Aaron take some pictures and we just talked and reminiscence. I felt like a New Yorker which is rare for a New Yorker LOL. We rolled a blunt, pinkberry that is my favorite flavor. Aaron took us around the back alleys and we smoked. There was this guy briskly walking home and he shot past us. Then Adam started briskly walking/running too. It was a little race, it was so funn because he kept catching up to the guy. The guy is still walking/running and Adam is catching up and beats him and cuts him off when he turns the corner. *DEAD* I was watching the whole thing from afar and I couldn't breathe. Adam touched the camera and took some shots too. It was a nice relaxing day. I'm planning on going to the beach at night before it gets too cold. It would be OD fun. Ill upload the rest of the pics later. Also Ill do a critique of his work cause opinions matter to me. When I do a work of art I like people's opinions....well people that matter. Ill also recap on Emily's 24 hour BBQ.

Hmm...Twas a Good Week

You ever look at your phone and you always see the same time over and over?

My lucky times are

1:14

2:14

and

11:11

I think 11:11 is my favorite time to look at. LOL cause no other time has 4 of the same numbers.

*sigh* I'm a loser I know, [walks toward the corner and faces the wall]

I've been out every single day except for wednesday. *Gasp* You phucking street rat lol.....

I tried to chill out for sunday but I went out anyways.

Monday I watched Star Trek with Adam [Ill explain who Adam is in an upcoming post]

Tuesday I went to Josh's House and watched Adam's nephew Andre [It was his first bday]

While Adam and Co. fixed the backyard that mexicanos would be pround of.

Wednesday I stayed in.

Thursday Chilled in Co-Op City with Adam and Franchesca. Ate. Weed. Bookstore.

Went back to Fran's Apt. We danced round the coffee table while Adam watched lol. He got a free show.

Narrator:

....As he thirstly watches as Fran danced and beckoned Shoshannah with her hands ever so slightly. Shoshannah Flowed across to her as if she had no feet. They held hands as they fell into each others' rhythm. The booming beat vibrating throught their bodies. Adam put his hand through his hair and adjusted in his seat. Franchesca and Shoshannah let the beat of the music take them. He could feel the seduction.....

Thank You Narrator.

You're welcome Nana

Anyways one of Fran's Love Interest comes and we buy more weed, Kush. He pays and he paid for our late stuffing of our faces at Burger King. I felt like we were all on a date.

Friday Franchesca, The Bestie Emily, and I were suppose to see Transformers but we went to a get together in Queens instead. It was a really nice neighborhood. Like rich. I felt poor looking at it. We drank hang out and smoked some stuff that took me to another level.

It was serious I high fived Jesus, type of high. I felt bad for Emily cause it was her first time smoking and she didnt get high and we were all jackasses.

I'm sorry I gave Emily a glimpse of the dark side.....

Saturday hanged out with my sis Sasha and bro Seth ate. Went to see transformeers in New Roc City. Twas good. Review is coming for that one.

Sunday. Went to Josh's House got high, watched dummy friends lite firecrackers and almost lite themselves, the trees and my hair on fire. LOL

Good Week.

I Drink. Therefore I Pour.

I think he was talking bout me. then again I don't date ugly ppl lmao

I think I'm going to be a bartender. IDK I need money and even if I get a job its not enough.

Emily wanted me to join in April but I was hesistant cause honestly I don't have 800 dollars lying around.....

My mom and I were doing some life planning and I brought it up and she says it might be a good idea. So I've made an appointment with one of the schools. We'll see. Plus I'm a woman and everyone wants a woman bartender so the guest can have something beautiful to look at LOL.

I mean with these ta-tas who need to know what drinks to make. I think I'll do good IF it happens I mean I stay up half the nite anyway why not make some money. Plus I like dressing up.

I just hope I don't get some stalker like the dude from Playa's Club I would def be in some shit.

I need a big black man, not to be my friend but just to intimidate people. Nothing is scarier. According to some people, phuck even me.

I made an appt. today to see if I want to pursue it, but I missed it cause I got my hair done.....

[My priorities are so on point right now]

Ice Cream Munny

The Hair is a mess

Yeah, so I bought my supplies yesterday with the Bestie Emily. I started last nite I'm making a Ice Cream Confectionary Treat Deliciousness Goodness Munny. LOL. As you can see I already did the head working on the body now. I'm actually good. I never worked with Sculpey or 3D graphice moldings or anything. I'm a paper type of girl....But this shit is addictive. I'll keep you posted.

Valentine

It was a nice night for us. It's my boo's 20th birthday and we just let the night do what it suppose to do....

Take us anywhere

First we RSVP'ed to Webster Hall's Valentine's Bash thingy...

Joshua wasn't dressed for it. He had to worked that day....

So my ass scrambled to do something  else so we were going to go to Refuge NYC in Brooklyn for their Party. 

I left first and met Josh at Michael K and then waited for his ass to finish work. Which was around 10 PM.

Btw he had no idea what was going on...I kinda ambushed his ass.

So its cold and Sasha,David and Emily were suppose to be there by 10 already in front of the store so we could go party our guts way.

I called

"Sasha where are you?"

Shoshannah, We bout to leave now.....

The bish got intoxicated before she even left the house great. So they're on the train and we decided we're not gonna wait for them so we go a restaurant called Cosi right off of Union Square. It was delish.

We just had Dessert. I was having a Bloody Valentine's [insert ewwww here] So that's the next best thing.

They had smores and you make it yourself...Little bonfire included. The ho tchocolate was alrite but it was little suspect like NesQuik. When they arrived we told them to get back on the train. We finally met up and Sasha ate most of our ice cream. We were gonna go to a hookah bar and chillando. 

Emily had heels and walked in her stockings the rest of the night.

We went to a sex shop. We tried out different pleasure machines. I spanked Josh. I enjoyed it.

While in the sex shop we see Anthony and Kio and Co. Awkward yes. Will we see each other in church tomorrow of course LOL

We went to Mcdonalds for some nuggets.

Emily lost her purse with all her belongings and actually took it extremely well. It was almost scary.

We found the hookah bar. THe guy at the front was gonna let emily in w/o ID, so nice.

We smoked and talked, took some pictures.

Pictures Bitches

Left around 3.45 smoked some weed.

"OH MY GOD, [whispers] they're smoking reefer!" says nosy ass white gurl on street

LOL

We're waiting for the train and exchanging stories.

After a millenia it finally gets here.

We get on, so relieved

"It's so warm..." mid sentence I stopped 

We realized what we just entered it was a stench no one could cure and it ripped apart our souls. I turned around with my hands like claws and the doors close. Josh ran to transfer to the next train car and that door is locked too. We were all screaming and yelling it was an awful funk. It was a nasty fishy smell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy's vagina. It was satan himself in smell form. Sasha just kept yelping these funny lines and We couldn't stop laughing.

It was a nice fun night. I mean the things we saw that night. 

It all ended with a kiss at 5 in the morning.

Happy Birthday Josh.